Hallmarks of Adulthood That Are Better And More Attainable Than Owning A House
When you were a child, what did you think adulthood looked like? What was society telling you about being grown-up? I, for one, had a very materialistic conception - I thought I’d own a house and wake up one day in this house owning a Swedish exercise ball like the one my parents had. I would feel an incomprehensible need to do weird bouncy exercises on this ball. This would make me an adult. My mother pictured something similar, that she’d wake up one morning with heels on. I think we were all taught to picture hyper specific circumstances or material things as hallmarks of adulthood: owning a home, having a steady career, marriage, children, exercise balls, etc. But adulthood doesn’t always look like this. In fact nowadays, adulthood does not look like this for most people - many adults simply cannot afford home ownership. Lots of adults wait on or forego marriage or children entirely. Many of us bounce around from one job to the next with no clear career path in front of us. So I thought I’d try to write down a series of more skill and mindset oriented hallmarks of adulthood so we don’t all beat ourselves up for not being what or where we expected to be in adulthood. You don’t have to have all of these things I’m listing to fit these better hallmarks of adulthood, or even some of them. You just have to be working towards them.
Here are some better measures of adulthood than, say, owning a house:
Do you acknowledge past mistakes and aim to do better? Do you apologize, yet try not to beat yourself up in the process? Do you try to anticipate and preempt moments when you might make the same mistake twice? Very responsible, very adult thing to do.
Do you practice and strengthen your empathy skill? Do you challenge your assumptions and aim to treat yourself and others with respect and dignity? That’s definitely an adult thing to do. Do you try to put yourself in the shoes of individuals whom you do not personally know, or groups you are not personally a part of? Some people live their whole “adult” lives without doing this. People with 401ks and mortgages.
Do you set healthy boundaries with others when necessary? Do you try your best to voice and enforce these boundaries? Do you express your emotions with loved ones when you can, instead of bottling them up? These are things grown ups do. They do and work on these things all the time.
Do you listen to your loved ones and trust their experiences? Do you prioritize others’ boundaries? Do you pay attention to the needs of your loved ones, sometimes even to the point of anticipating them? This is way more grown-up than having a mortgage or whatever.
Do you prioritize yourself and your specific needs and personality over what society expects of you? Do you try your best to meet those needs without hurting anyone, yet accept that others may be disappointed? Do you understand that living fully in your own skin may make you stand out in ways you don’t want, but still strive to do so as long as it seems safe? Responsible. Adult. Very grown up thing to do for yourself.
Do you take pride in immutable personal qualities or skills you’ve developed, not just your career productivity or job title? Are you proud of deeds and accomplishments that didn’t necessarily lead to profit, but were worthy endeavors? This is something adults have been doing since the beginning of time. Credit scores have only been around since the late 80s.
Are you doing the work to improve yourself as a person? To love yourself, love others, and accept love as well?
Are you working towards literally any of the above things I’ve listed? Congratulations, you are a responsible bona-fide grown up and no amount of financial strife or career stagnation will change that. Nor will time spent unmarried or childless, especially if you don’t even want marriage or children. Nothing society has told or tells you about what an adult is will make you less grown up or less accomplished than you are today.
