Addressing The Gap Between Knowledge and Belief
“I know this negative statement about myself isn’t true, but I believe it nonetheless.”
This is the thing I hear most often from my clients. They know their negative self talk isn’t objective and their inner saboteur (or what we’d refer to in the tools methodology as part x*) is just spouting painful opinions about themselves and the world, but they nevertheless believe these opinions wholeheartedly. Common false beliefs in this vein may be “I’m lazy”, “People are judging me” or “I’m doomed.” When you’re in this state and believe these things, even a neutral and objective truth like “I can’t read other people’s thoughts” can feel wrong. Our inner saboteur/part x can be so omnipresent we don’t even it notice half the time as it repeats to us what we logically know is nonsense (or at least biased opinion.) That’s why we believe said nonsense about ourselves and/or the world around us: repetition.
This is why repetition is so important when it comes to combating our false and limiting beliefs. Basically, you’re gonna want to brainwash yourself into the cult of the truth. But first, you’ll need to uncover and record all the pessimistic lies you’re telling yourself. Whenever you notice one of these crappy beliefs come up in your mind, write it down. Then come up with a short, neutral, emphatic phrase that corrects the belief/distortion, a phrase your mind can accept. For example “I am doomed because of ___” may become “I cannot predict the future” rather than a positive affirmation that’s harder to believe. Do this every time a new false belief pops up. You may find that you wrote down like, 50 different beliefs/cognitive distortions and reality checks for each of them. If this is the case, you’ll want to focus on a few at a time, at least at first.** Start with what pops up the most in your mind or feels the most relevant to your life right now.
You’ll probably need to start repeating your corrections to these distortions to yourself once a day before you’re able to correct said distortions in real time. Say these corrections out loud if you can (hopefully your roommates are cool.) If you need help remembering to do this, you can tie stating these corrections to existing habits or repeat them when you wake up, when you go to bed, or in the mirror like you’re a 90s SNL character doing affirmations (after all, it WILL feel cheesy to do at first.) After you’ve done this for awhile, you’ll start catching yourself when your brain repeats the false belief(s) you’re focusing on now. Respond emphatically with the correction that corresponds to this belief. If you realize you missed a chance to correct a limiting belief, do so the second you realize it. And remember, if you fail to keep up this routine of constant correction, you don’t have to feel guilty. Relapse is often a part of building new habits. Just pick it up again. Progress isn’t linear, after all. Just keep going.
You may find yourself needing to change the reality checks of your cognitive distortions or focusing on new ones as time goes on. That’s normal. What you will also find is that the more you repeat your reality checks/corrections, the more organic it will feel, and eventually the more you will believe them. I’m always happy to remind clients of what they know is true but don’t yet believe, but I can’t be in their lives 24/7. My job is easy. The client’s job is hard. But if you manage to truly “brainwash” yourself into believing what’s true rather than the meanest thing your brain can throw at you, it’s so very worth it.
*I will address part x more in depth in the future so if this particular post doesn’t feel as relevant to you, don’t worry, there are other ways to deal with this type of problem.
**You can also create an audio recording with every single reality check/correction for yourself and play it in the background occasionally while you really focus on a few at a time. This way you can still begin to passively absorb truths that are not the main focus right now.
